Summer, Ephemeria & Cycles

And its September once again…

Where did time go?

Summer went by like a gush of wind and all its left are the tingling sensations in your skin, memories of what you felt in that brief moment in time.

It’s back to work now. Full time. Full projects. Full schedule. Plenty of deadlines. Some projects and wishes too. Fall is nearing by, with leafs lavishing the ground and stripping down the trees for the cold weather that starts to blow over us. Summer’09 is nearly a memory of the past. Good memories. Very good indeed.

Sure… the wall isn’t painted yet…

Sure… it was not enough…

Of course it could have been more…

But it was unique alright. And for that a treasure to keep.

Perhaps the end was more nostalgic then I wished it to be so. But in perspective it was inevitable to feel blue with the days passing and the realization of what was to come clearer every day.

It’s now over an year that Pumpkin & I met in-world. Over an year since we hooked up unofficially… and 53 weeks since we officially partnered inworld. That’s a whole year plus some spare days. It doesn’t feel like that long… but it also feels like it has been like that since ever.

We ended up hardly doing anything to celebrate the day with all the blues hitting us with the incoming summer vacations end… it was a pity actually… we did spend a hell of a great Summer and even feeling like an ephemera sensation, it marks a point in time I’m proud of.

Let’s see what time will hold for us in the meantime…

Afterall, from what I’ve heard… each year that goes by tends to hold an individual package of Summer inside.

Summer’s Almost Gone – The Doors

Summer’s almost gone,
Summer’s almost gone,
Almost gone,
Yeah, it’s almost gone.
Where will we be
When the summer’s gone?

Morning found us calmly unaware,
Noon burned gold into our hair,
At night we swam at laughin’ sea
When summer’s gone, where will we be?
Where will we be?
Where will we be?

Morning found us calmly unaware,
Noon burned gold into our hair,
At night, we swam at laughin’ sea
When summer’s gone, where will we be?

Summer’s almost gone,
Summer’s almost gone.
We had some good times,
But they’re gone,
The winter’s comin’ on,
Summer’s almost gone.

Wall of Life

I don’t know much about art. I either like it or I don’t. That’s it essentially. Pollock’s paintings (above and below) are, from what I’ve gathered the subject of high praise and much debated arguments on whether that is art or just blots of paint on a canvas that a monkey could do too. Of course… there’s the argument that a monkey could indeed do art too which would raise quite a few interesting questions, but that’s not my point.

Personally… On the surface I don’t see much on these painting. Reading a book that by chance brought these painting in to discussion made me curious about them and somehow open my eyes to look at them with a different perspective.

No… I don’t see a pink elephant blissfully jumping from lily-pad to lily-pad on these, not no ulterior interpretation of Humanity struggle to overcome their meaningless trifling. It does however makes me wonder about time and life.

I often used to see the World in a stylized black and white painting. Good and Evil. Right or Wrong. Yay or Nay. Eh… so much for those simple times. Now its all a blur of grays. Hard to see where Pure White or Pure Black exist… they might be there, maybe I just need to look harder… maybe not.

Time on the other hand. Well… it keeps running. You may have noticed it yourself. Were I a super-hero (or villain) and had the possibility to choose my special power I would pick the power to stop or manipulate time. Just the idea of being able to freeze a moment in time… *sigh*… it would be indescribable.

Problem is, that’s not the way the game’s played. You’re thrown in to the deep end and the clock is ticking. Sure, you’ll make bad decisions, you’ll never grasp the bigger picture, you’ll miss important events or hints that flash by you. Opportunities are flying by you as you go… You either grasp them or you don’t… You might do well… you might end up worst…

Is there a pause? Is there a goal? Is there a pattern we’re missing? Am I missing it? Or is it not there, everywhere we look?

Hmmm… I can almost feel that I can grasp it (whatever it may be) sometimes. I never can though, at least so far. I doubt I ever will. I could keep making plans, re-assecing opinions, decisions, objectives and so on… where would I end up? Eh… I think John said it right in one simple sentence:

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

So I look again at these apparently confusing paintings and I wonder again: Are they random burst of a mad man delusion… or are they just a depiction of the nature of time and life? Yes.. it looks chaotic, its erratic and extremely complex. However… it somehow works. There’s order within the chaos. There’s beauty even.

Guess we just don’t see the bigger picture.

But… if we did…

Would we understand it and appreciate it?

Virtual Dreams aren’t just made of pixels

A rendering of virtual personas or a projection of real emotions?

I have little doubts about it.

Changing Tides

Life is full of changes. I end up undergoing a few even if I claim not to enjoy change that much. In the past weeks… well, two months almost since my last post, many changes took place, small or not so small, who can tell? I’d been eager to write but failed to find time or inspiration to do so, so… this will end up short but at least it will come out, as a smoke sign that this blog is still kicking… or at least dragging itself

Anyway, I went to watch Carmina Burana a few weeks ago. It was nice and a differente evening. You can hear the full concert (from another orquestra & choir & location) below.

- Lyrics here -

Besides that… well… life takes its turns, that’s for sure. Some we have no power over them, other we do. After over 13 months working at Sweethearts Jazz Club in SL I gave up my job as a host there (I was one of the oldest ones still working there). It was kind of sad and I’d been dragging that decision over and over… but eventually it was the right thing to do. It no longer felt like fun and only as work for me lately. I didn’t like that. When I first started there, the money was much less and I worked much longer hours… but it ended up being more rewarding. This of course is also due to my own personality I guess, ‘cuz I tend to prefer small intimate places other then large big and crowded venues. Plus, my RL work was cramping me free time and it was a constant struggle to get home and spend two hours there when I had so much else to do.

*Sigh*

Anyway… I’ve met lots of interesting people working there at Sweethearts. Made a few friends. Learned a few things. About me… about others. It was a worthwhile experience… and looking back, I feel much more relieved having left it. I wasn’t doing a great job anymore, just punching the card and the keyboard… new blood will surely do a better job then I was doing in these final months I worked there.

Aside from that FreeLife Magazine has been on a way extended hiatus for… pfff…. way too long. Not that I would have much time to write from them though Yet, I miss writing for them. It was such a cool experience… oh well, like the opening from Carmina Burana says… “O Fortuna, like the moon, you are changeable, ever waxing and waning;” Such is one’s life, new things arriving, old ones vanishing… eh…

Hmmm…. anyway talking about RL, a few twists and turns happen there too.

I got my own car now Its neat. Still getting used to the idea though. My personal life is also taking unexpected steps forward… never thought I’d be where I am right now an year ago. Eh… an year ago. Time’s funny. How all the dates, celebrations and events seem to blend in to a collective memory, distorting time and our perception of it… Summer’s here. That’s for sure. Where we’ll we been in one year’s time? Pfff…. I can’t even begin to guess…

Such is life… one day at a time and each day seems shorter and shorter. Can’t get enough time to do all I wanted to do. Maybe I just need to organize myself a little better. Grow up a little more perhaps. Live a little more… eh… many things have happen, I just didn’t wrote them…

Anyway… Hope I can get back in to a more regular posting scheme

Cheers

The 8th Poltergeist

I like my real-life job.

Every now and so often things happen that shouldn’t happen. Sometimes its bad. Sometimes its good. Sometimes its really good. Other times… well, things just happen and a yelp of fear is suddenly taken by an immense curiosity for nature…

Avast Alien !!

Meet… oh wait.. haven’t named him… her… it…

Meet Alien! He just popped out, probably literally, after a very windy and spinny ride from God knows where in to our microscope field of view along with the rest of the expected inhabitants of that particular culture plate.

Eheh… it was fun. Not easy to use your cellphone to take pictures through a microscope btw (we should buy a camera thinking about that…hmmm….).

Oh well, I got to know it was a cousin of some arachnid… more precisely a species of mite. Now, they don’t like those room temperatures, and this one must had been having an hard time there too! Plus it was quite tiny, no bigger 0.05 mm wide… so… well… it was interesting.

Have I mentioned that I like my job?

Quite an exciting day today too. No actual new results… but fun and laid back eheheh

(no words needed)

Once a Single Man’s Dream…

…And 45 Years Later…

Kind of gives you hope doesn’t it?

Just another year?

The year was 2008, the person… me.

I have to be honest and state that it didn’t had the most pleasant start of them all… I did spend the evening with friends, we were enjoying ourselves, watching a video together, food was abound, it was warm, blankets on the floor for people to sit and play cardboard group games and the mood was generally up and cozy. My stomach just wasn’t enjoying it all. Eh, too bad for me I guess. I ended up leaving early… or late in the night, depends on how you put it.

Eh… it was an odd year. Maybe it was because it was a leap year, I dunno. Not odd in a negative way, just felt like a cleavage point in my life. Allow to elaborate (if you haven’t fallen asleep yet):

On 2007 I started working, in the true sense of the word (ie: with a paycheck and a contract). When 2008 kicked in, I was still doing some work, but no money was purring in anymore… That said, obviously I had been looking for other jobs (the paying kind ones) for a bit. More on that.

On 2006 I stopped dreaming about an illusion I had in my mind. Many interesting things come from that … ahem… inspiration, but in the end I get that bitter taste in my mouth wondering: “was it worth it?” I dunno. On 2007 I pretty much forget that whole dreaming idea and just carried on doing my job… This year of 2008… it all sparked out unsuspecting. More on that too.

Now I stand on the verge of 2009 and I wonder what will the future bring me… alas… I dunno. But I’ve grown a bit this year. Learned lots of things. Did new things. Met new people. Met new ideas. Met new ideologies. And moved on.

As I said I started they year working but working pro-bono… not very inspiring, I must tell you. I went to a couple of job interviews, sent dozens of CV’s and the two most significant ones were: the one that made me travel half the country away (twice) for the said interview (where I was later on not accepted); and my short incursion to the Air Force, where they decided I had an unstable personality… (they did advise me to return next year and try again… to which I asked how could my ‘unstable’ personality change over an year?… to which they smirked and pretended not to understand the question) Assholes… fact is: I have a mind of my own and I don’t fit in their desired profile of an officer (ie: someone that as ideas and can think for himself) (( which is not always good, I’ll give them that))

Anyway, by June I was hired and started working, back to scientific research despite my efforts of making a run in a different direction. Guess destiny pulled some strings again. Eheh, in the end I have to say I’m quite happy with my job and research project right now. My boss is very cool and easy going, my lab partners are all very friendly and all with a great sense of humor. Work hours are odd sometimes, but we have enough freedom to coordinate our lives around it, so that’s pretty good too. Further more, one major article on sight soon, and … who knows, I might apply for a Ph.D. *shivers* let’s see what 2009 has to say about that…

On a more personal note, I ended up re-logging in to my old account in Second Life and revived a still noobie-looking Petros Miklos by late February. And the amazing thing was… I discovered my Second Life ! (after three account and nearly one year after my first trial of the program).

Needless to say, since most of this blog is dedicated to what I do online in Second Life… I did spent some time online navigating in that metaverse. I got a job working at Sweethearts (where I still hold a shift per week), I rented a skybox (a small floating flat), I updated my look reflecting more and more my real self, and expanded my horizonds regarding fashion. I met lots of people. Some went away, with others we diverged paths at some point… others stood around and still are for the long haul. Meanwhile I got a second job in SecondLife, working for a SL magazine named “FreeLife” where I was able to write about some of the hidden jewels I kept finding here and there on this wondrous metaverse of ours.

I had my first online romance, with Adora. It was unexpected and it open my eyes to things I didn’t not know much about it (to avoid saying nothing). It was short-lived in the end, but was intense never the less… and I promissed myself that I wouldn’t get in to another online romance.

Then destiny itself, or some other prankster (still trying to figure out whom) decided my lonesome days would be short lived as well and Summer, my current partner, my friend, my lover, my confident, my inspiration and company for the past 5 months, come in to my life. It was, again, unexpected. But here we are, still together, sharing dreams and ideas, thoughts and emotions… and I’m glad we are

With all this, and as Summer kept stating, my life soon started to merge with my Second life. At some point it becomes just an extension of who you are, just another facet on our life. I created this blog, and wrote about some of the experiences I had in SL. I had much more to tell, but, alas, I don’t write it all in here.

The thing is… My life changed… even if just a bit. Second Life provided a whole new World to explore and still be able to maintain a regular ‘normal’ life alongside with it. Allowed me to meet new friends abroad. Allowed me to experience things I would never be able to do if I was to keep myself in my home->work->home routine.

Eh, don’t get me wrong. I did quite a few things beside working and being online on Second Life. I started conducting a chorus since April (something I have little to no experience doing, but I’m winging it as it goes). I sung in the chorus that participated in the worldwide event from our church that took place here this time, which kept us singing for a couple of months non-stop with intensive rehearsals. Along that, we had some other minor events in our city with similar activities (just on a much smaller scale). I went to visit Expo2008, spent time with family, spent time with friends, met new ones, made some interesting developments at work, got a fresh new view on my own personality, learned a lot about people this year too… still much more to learn about that though, and even more about myself too…

hmmm…

Quite a busy year actually…

Odd… I started writing this and I had this idea that it would be a quite short resume of the year … and now… now I look back at this and I see so many details in these few lines that have so much more to explain and tell, that if I did so… well, I’d probably still be writing by the time the clock marked 12 o’clock midnight on 31st of December…

Summing it up… it was an unexpected year. Little of what happen I expected it to happen. In fact, I didn’t saw most of it coming my way until they hit me in the face !! eh… go figure.

Time seems to have an incredible timing for certain things… other times… well, we’re just impatient.

Predictions to 2009? eh, no clue whatsoever…

See ya all there

In Memorium

O mundo girou e não parou, não reparou, nem soluçou.
Um ultimo suspiro e o mundo ficou mais escuro, mas nem reparou…
continuou, habituado à eterna constante a que nós nos esquecemos,
inerte, frio, sem sentimento, ceifando um a um, sem aviso ou regras,
mas porque razão?
Porque?…

Uma brisa vem e vai, toca na face a alguns,
a outros passa de lado, quase imperceptível,
e ao mundo passou…
A mim… a mim, apenas cruzou-se momentaneamente,
uma breve memoria, um encontro casual…
e só no fim, no adeus, senti o que vibrava por detrás…

E tudo se desfez, num instante…
sonhos, desejos, emoções, projectos…
ficam as memorias dos que choram…
até quando…
um dia…

triste fado…
nem cantado é…
gemido por ruelas escuras que ninguém vê ou passa…
um fado silencioso…
um silêncio…
…

May you rest in peace Margarita

shopping list of thoughts

:: WARNING ::
random stream of thoughts ahead
:: WARNING ::

I haven’t been writing in here much… it figures, blogs tend to have this decay stage at times. many times actually. It’s not that I don’t have things to write about, is more the lack of time to plan and writing something about. Yeah… i plan to much. I should act more and do less planning… but, hey! that’s just the way I am, I guess.

Hmmm… RL work is taking its toll. My mind is buzzing with the ideas of things to do in the short, medium and long term and I’m having an hard time coping with it all. Today, was an exception actually. The day went smoothly and without much stress. Not that it be the bad stress type, just the overflood of new information and having to multitask many things… still learning how to do that bit.

Still thinking on NaNoWriMo… i realize if I go trough with it I’ll have to cut down on most of my hobbies to be able to finish it… eh… that’s not going to happen. So I’m trying to figure out a way to discipline myself in to do it with a fix time schedule…. ehehe… any bets on how that’s going to fail?

Hmm… what else… SL work is also taking its toll. I like them both. But both are actually stressful and actual WORK… not just fun (though they can be fun, and normally are, to do)… so I start to wonder if it really is worth to keep doing them, or both of them….. i wonder a lot….

I need to get more sleep each night…

I need to sleep all saturday long…

Caffeine is a two-edge sword.

I need to buy more cookies.

My paycheck as arrived.

I wrote a small poem in an inspiration outburst last night, just before bed. It had been a while since my last poem… hmmm… interesting. It was quite sad, as most my poems are, and it did not reflect anything I’m living right now. Yet, it come out that way… hmm… maybe i should translate it to english and post it here.

Hmmm….

They said Summer ended this monday… odd. Didn’t noticed it.
An old battle wound open up and closed soon after… it still stings.

I’ve discovered I’m a good manager. Me? eh… go figure. Life is funny.

The place me and Summer have been putting together is also looking like home these days. Still not done, but its home already… i should get some pics of it to put in here too…..

hmmm…

i do have so many little things to do that I want to do… but i keep procrastinating them… hmmm… somethings never do change…

…

hmm…

reflections on changes…

I don’t like changes.

I don’t like the fact that I have to re-adjust my schedule to my new work entourage, having to share the equipment with other people, having to plan far ahead who does what and when, instead of letting it flow as it was. I don’t like the fact that it’s gonna cut down on my free time. I don’t like that its gonna cut off my time to do other things I like, pushing them only to an already filled weekend. I don’t like it.

I don’t like the fact that I don’t understand what’s going on. Either in my heart or in the people close to me. I don’t like it. I can’t do anything about it. But I don’t like it. It scares me. It scares me to get hurt again… but its an inevitability of life. Therefore it is irrational in a way… I don’t like anyway. I’m afraid to lose something I don’t own… and its a mixed feeling. Freedom or contention? I can see so many good arguments for both sides. I don’t like that… that nagging perk I have that keeps me seeing the great things from both sides…

I don’t like to admit it either. Admit that I’m not as people perceive me. I’m not that great after all. People just assumed I was. I’m not. I’m not a great Christian… I’m a pretty lousy one in fact, just a baby one at best. And I don’t like it. I need to change. To develop a more standing character. I don’t like to admit that. Because I have to get down on my knees and face what I am… No pretty words will make any difference when the time comes. What I AM… not what I DID. And I did plenty of good things. I don’t like to think they were all worthless. But they are. Though I had my share of bad as well…

I don’t like to ask for help either… Yet, I can’t do it on my own. And that bothers me.

I need to change and I don’t like it. I don’t like change. Change requires things that sting you. It hurts your pride! Yes, that thing I pretend so well not to have. It requires willpower to change. It requires strenght and goals to achieve. It requires effort.

I don’t like it…

I really don’t…

But I need to change some things…

I just hope I can find someone to help me change…